“Just be yourself.”

It sounds like lovely advice, and mostly it is... until you're standing alone at a networking event, holding a drink you don't really want, watching groups of people who all seem to know one another.

In that moment, “just be yourself” isn't especially helpful.

Which version of yourself should you be?

The confident business owner?

The person who has suddenly forgotten every interesting thing they've ever said? Or the one pretending to read an urgent email while quietly deciding whether it's too early to leave?

I think we sometimes make networking harder by treating confidence as a personality trait. We assume some people are naturally good at walking into rooms, starting conversations and talking about their business, while everybody else is told to relax, be authentic and hope for the best.

But confidence is rarely the starting point. More often, confidence comes from knowing what you're there to do.

CALLOUT: Remember... we're not there to make a SALE. We're there to make CONNECTIONS. Once I figured that out, my networking became more comfortable, more successful, and more FUN!

Before you attend an event, it helps to know why you're going. Are you looking for potential referral partners? Do you want to learn more about a particular industry? Is there someone you'd genuinely like to meet? Would it be useful to reconnect with people you already know?

Having an intention changes the room.

Instead of walking in wondering, “How am I going to talk to all these people?”, you can ask yourself, “What would make this event worthwhile?”

That's a much easier question to answer.

Preparation doesn't need to mean rehearsing every conversation before you have it. It might simply mean knowing how you'll introduce yourself without reciting your entire professional history, having two or three questions in mind that take you beyond small talk, being clear about the kinds of people you'd like to meet, and knowing how you'll follow up afterwards.

It also helps to know how to leave a conversation. That sounds slightly ridiculous until you find yourself trapped in one for 25 minutes because neither person knows how to end it.

None of this makes you fake. It makes you ready.

There's an important difference between authenticity and lack of preparation. Authenticity means the person people meet is genuinely you. Preparation helps that person walk into the room with some clarity about what to do next.

Quiet people can be brilliant networkers because they listen. Nervous people can become comfortable networkers because they develop skills and routines that work for them. And very confident people can achieve surprisingly little if they enter every conversation without curiosity or purpose.

Networking isn't a performance reserved for extroverts. It's a collection of skills, and skills can be learned.

You can learn to begin a conversation. You can get better at asking questions. You can learn to explain your business without turning every interaction into a sales pitch. You can become more comfortable joining a group, leaving a conversation and following up afterwards.

And, like most things, the more you practise, the easier it becomes.

So yes... be yourself.

But don't leave everything else to chance.

Be yourself with a plan.

Happy Connecting!

WLC