I’ve spent a lot of years talking about networking, and one of the things I find fascinating is how often we underestimate the network we already have.

Ask someone how big their network is and they’ll usually start counting people. Clients. Colleagues. Friends. People from BNI. People they’ve worked with over the years. Maybe the people they’re connected to on LinkedIn.

But that’s not really the size of your network.

Because every single one of those people knows people you don’t.

And THAT is where networking starts to get interesting.

Think about someone you know reasonably well. You probably know what they do for a living, where they work, perhaps something about their family and a few of their interests. If you know them through business, you might also know some of their clients or colleagues.

But you probably know only a tiny percentage of the people they know.

They have neighbours. Former colleagues. School friends. Suppliers. Clients. Family members. People from sporting clubs, community groups, industry associations and previous careers. They know people they met 20 years ago and people they met last Tuesday.

And somewhere amongst all those people could be someone you would really like to meet.

The problem is that your contact probably has no idea you want to meet them.

I see this all the time when I work with people on strategic networking. They’ll tell me they want more referrals, so I ask a fairly obvious question:

“Who would you like to be referred to?”

And suddenly the conversation gets much harder.

“I’d like to meet business owners.”

Okay... which ones?

“Companies that might need what I do.”

Which companies?

“Anyone who needs help with...”

You can probably see where this is going.

We sometimes expect our network to somehow recognise opportunities for us without giving them enough information to do it.

Imagine I said to you, “I’m looking for a great restaurant.”

Your brain has to search through every restaurant you know, then work out what I mean by great. Expensive? Cheap? Italian? Thai? Near my house? Somewhere for a business lunch? Somewhere with live music?

Now imagine I said, “I’m looking for a great Italian restaurant in Surry Hills for dinner with six people.”

Your brain has somewhere to go.

Networking works the same way.

The more clearly I can describe the person I want to meet, the easier it is for someone else to search their network for me. A name is wonderful. A company is useful. An industry, role, location or particular problem can also give someone enough information to make the connection.

This is why I think we need to stop looking at our networks as lists of contacts and start seeing them as networks of networks.

There is another important part to this, though.

You need to earn the introduction.

Someone might know exactly the person you want to meet and still not introduce you. An introduction carries a little piece of their reputation with it. If I introduce you to someone I value, I’m effectively saying, “I think this person is worth your time.”

That’s why relationships matter.

The goal isn’t to collect enough contacts until eventually one of them knows the right person. It’s to build relationships with people who understand you, trust you and know enough about what you’re trying to achieve that they can recognise an opportunity when it appears.

And, of course, this works in both directions.

Your network knows people you don’t.

So do you.

You know people who could become someone else’s next client, supplier, collaborator, mentor, employee, business partner or friend. You may be sitting on an introduction that could completely change someone’s business... and you don’t even know they need it.

So perhaps there are two questions worth asking more often.

Who do I want to meet?

And...

Who are you trying to meet?

Those two questions can open up an extraordinary number of conversations.

Your network is almost certainly bigger than you think it is. The opportunity is learning how to access it... and helping other people access yours.

So… Who do you really want to meet? Pop it in the comments because someone reading this might be able to make that connection. :)